My oldest daughter, Katie, came home from school in a mood one day last year. When I asked her what was wrong, she sighed and said, “Chelsea runs faster than me.” And she sighed again.
I thought for a moment and said, “Katie, not everyone can be good at everything. I’ll bet you there is something that you’re really good at.”
Without hesitating, she said, “I can draw.”
(Biased parent’s opinion: she is really, really good at art.)
I agreed and said, “Yes, you can. And you practice drawing a lot. Maybe you could ask Chelsea to show you how she runs really fast and you could practice running.”
She brightened, nodded and said, “I will.” And then she said, with maybe a bigger smile than necessary, “And Chelsea draws like Amy (her then 2 year old sister).”
Ahh, the refreshing honesty of a 5 year old…
Katie was satisfied, I was relieved. As a parent, you’re constantly wading through the tough questions, trying to sort out how much information is too much, how to simplify what are really tricky issues so that they make sense but aren’t too patronizing, and how to empathize with your children when these seemingly trivial details rule their lives in that one instant. It’s weird that we don’t apply more of the things that we learn in these moments to the bigger picture.
Katie’s worry that she wasn’t the best at something is a concern in the real world. We all want to be the best, don’t we? But we can’t all be - it’s mathematically impossible for everyone to be on top.
So do you just give up?
Of course not. Life and business are all about priorities. You focus on what’s important to you and you work hard. And - this is the part that it took me awhile as a cocky young lawyer to understand - you realize that you can always learn something from someone else, especially your competition.
When I first entered the legal profession, I was going to be the best tax attorney ever. I even had dreams of being on the Supreme Court - a statistically even more challenging feat when you realize that tax lawyers aren’t exactly the top picks on the Court. And then I realized how much I hated litigation. The whole process just annoyed the heck out of me. It wasn’t my thing.
What I did like to do was write and talk about tax law - and tax policy. Surely I could parlay that into something? So I did. I began writing more, ramping up taxgirl.com to become pretty successful, penning a monthly column for The Legal Intelligencer and (shh, it’s coming but still in beta) forging ahead on a new gig as the tax guru for an exciting new financial site run by the same folks responsible for The Wall Street Journal. All in all, these are pretty exciting times for me.
And as much as I hope that Katie learns from me, this is what I have learned from my daughter: when Katie believes that she is good at something, you know it. I love her ridiculous sense of confidence.
I wonder when we lose this as adults. And you know what I mean… When we stop singing out loud because we’re worried what people might think, when we stop dancing in public because we think we look silly, when we apologize to others before we cook or draw or take a picture. What if… what if we are actually better at these things than we think?
So when people ask me anymore what I do, I don’t shuffle and look down at my feet. I say, “I’m a tax attorney and I write this really cool blog at taxgirl.com.” I am proud of what I do. The self-confidence of a five year is really quite inspiring that way.
And those little tweaks at the competition? I think they’re okay, too, so long as you exercise a little tact. Katie never told Chelsea that she thought she was the better artist - there wasn’t a reason to. But it made her feel better. And hey, for all I know, Chelsea really did draw like Amy…
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The idea for this post came from Shannon Cherry at Start Up Spark. Shannon challenged those of us in the Business Channel, in honor of this halfway point between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, to think about what we’ve learned in our careers from kids. And now I’m curious… I’d love to hear your life lessons. What have your kids taught you?
(Image: me - yeah, sometimes I take a good photo, too)
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