Obama Administration Takes Heat for Planned Fat Tax

Citing statistics that nearly 34% of Americans are obese, more than double the percentage 30 years ago, the Obama administration has introduced plans to implement a fat tax. The proposed tax, which has already caused controversy, is expected to raise more than $21 billion in its first year alone.

Here’s how it would work: the federal form 1040 for 2011 will require taxpayers to list the weight of each dependent in the home at the time of filing. Tax would be calculated at one dollar per pound for each taxpayer. Tax would then be submitted as a separate check to the US Treasury with the designation “fat tax.”

In a nod to California, exceptions will be made for synthetic body parts including weaves and breast implants that add to a taxpayer’s overall weight; taxpayers claiming an adjustment will be required to attach a doctor’s note to their tax return. However, the “big hair exemption” proposed by Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX) did not make it into the bill; opponents noted that despite the gravity-defying nature of big hair, it is organic to the taxpayer.

Answering concerns about those taxpayers who might lie about their weight in order to save a few dollars, IRS Commissioner Doug Shulman noted that we have a self-governing tax system in place now. Shulman expects compliance from most taxpayers. He cited statistics that 28 million Americans regularly lie about their weight, far fewer than lie about their income.

Shulman clarified that no ambush-style “weight audits” are planned but like laws that allow police officers to issue additional tickets once a car has been pulled over, the IRS would be able to weigh a taxpayer at a regular audit and assess an additional penalty. In the event that a taxpayer is found to have lied about his or her weight, the IRS would impose penalties equal to five times the taxpayer’s actual weight, plus interest. Weigh-ins would be at the IRS’ discretion and shoes and belts will remain on. To ensure accuracy, IRS weight agents would be specially trained by Alison Sweeney.

Shulman encourages taxpayers to be honest in order to avoid the penalty, reminding taxpayers that individual federal income tax returns remain confidential and are not subject to public scrutiny.

For those taxpayers who do not have access to an accurate scale, the IRS will be setting up a series of free scales in newly created OH NO (Obama’s Health iNitiative Opportunity) offices. Most will be set up in strip malls across the country, ideally next to a Jenny Craig. However, Shulman warned, don’t expect to see a smiling Valerie Bertinelli at an OH NO office: pandering will be strictly prohibited. Unless it’s from, say, Krispy Kreme or McDonalds, which will actually help boost tax revenues. Shulman defended the decision, claiming, “We’re not trying to sabotage anyone. But we need all the money that we can get.”

In a rare show of bipartisan cooperation, presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee applauded the Democrat’s tax plan as good for the country. Known for his own weight loss success (Huckabee lost as much as 110 pounds in 2003), Huckabee has been at the forefront of healthy iniatives. He has collaborated with former President Bill Clinton on initiatives such as the fight against childhood obesity. Reacting to the plan, he said, “Eating a little bit less is a great way to feel better and now, save on taxes!” Clinton, however, responded a little differently, saying, “I don’t care if I have to pay an extra dollar or two in taxes to this great country. I’m eating a hamburger when I want to.”

When Congress took to the floor to generate support for the plan, the talk focused on those issues that most concerned Americans: childhood obesity, increasing health care costs and general discomfort of passengers on airplanes. But the Speaker of the House focused on a bigger issue: the perception of Americans abroad. How bad is the perception? No Miss USA has won the title to Miss Universe in more than ten years. Speaker Pelosi (D-CA) noted that Miss Venezuela has taken home the crown twice, as has Miss Puerto Rico. “Even Miss Canada has won in the last ten years,” Pelosi noted, shaking her head and looking at her feet, “Canada.”

For whatever reason, our neighbors to the north appear generally more healthy. But we’ll fix that like we fix all problems: by taxing Americans.

How excited is Vice President Biden? When told that the plan would likely pass Congress, the vice president leaned in to Obama and said, “This is a big f**king deal.” Really big. Millions of pounds big. A couple of hours of bank bailout funds big.

Despite the controversy surrounding the bill, a vote is expected to take place later today, on April 1st, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day. Happy April Fool’s Day!

Kelly Phillips Erb

Kelly Phillips Erb is a tax attorney, tax writer, and podcaster.

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