If you’re like me, every year at about this time, you make a vow that the next tax year will be different.

If you’re like me, you’re also six feet six inches tall, an incorrigible wise-ass and think you’re way cooler than you actually are.

For the purposes of this discussion, though, we should probably keep the focus on taxes.

So, where were we?

Oh, yeah. We were making a promise to ourselves that this will be the year we keep our receipts in a file in alphabetical order, categorized by type. This will be the year we make the full contribution to our IRAs.

We’ll keep meticulous records of our stock transactions in order to maximize capital gains and losses.

We’ll diligently record mileage and gas expenses. We’ll pay off all the deductible expenses prior to the end of the year. We’ll learn to use TurboTax and file early to avoid the rush.

In addition, we’ll … Hey! Did you just see a pig fly by?

Let’s face it, you won’t do any of that. And when I say “you,” I mean me.

You could probably get a national park named after you if you could find a way to make paying taxes more fun.

As it stands now, paying your taxes is like sex with an angry, ugly hooker: you get screwed, she gets your money, you’re not satisfied and the whole process is demeaning to both parties.

If we really want to improve the system, we need to figure out a way to make paying taxes more fun.

So, as a public service, here’s a list of the Top 10 Ways To Make Paying Taxes More Fun:

10. No taxes if you make a hole-in-one into the clown’s mouth on the 18th hole of your local miniature golf course.
9. Double or nothing on a coin flip of your state quarter.
8. Coupons good for 50 cents off ramen noodles when you file early.
7. A free Disney toy with every Happy Tax Packet.
6. A chance to win a free trip to a tax haven of your choice.
5. Tickets for you and your family to the new IRS ride at Six Flags that lifts you twenty feet in the air and shakes you by your ankles until all the money in your pockets falls out.
4. Dinner with Wesley Snipes.
3. The complete course of “How To Start Your Own Religion” with handy workbook showing countries with no extradition treaties.
2. A UFC style cage match with the IRS bureaucrat of your choice.
1. Ice cream!

In this election year, I think it’s particularly appropriate that we move beyond the divisive, negative relationships that have characterized tax collection in the past and build a system that’s more inclusive and fun for everyone involved.

And if we can’t do that, I’ll see you next year at the Post Office just before midnight on April 15th.

Gosh, brilliant, right? I can’t take credit (though I really, really want to). This post was authored by Mark Jabo over at www.bizlevity.com – one of the wittiest, sharpest blogs on the internet. Get on over there!

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Author

Kelly Erb is a tax attorney and tax writer.

16 Comments

  1. Haha, I like that “paying your taxes is like sex with an angry, ugly hooker” analogy.

    I have a suggestion too – Raffles!
    Think about it, if you have a chance to get a price when you file taxes, more people will file. And it would be more fun. Also, for every person audited, there should be another that’s winning some small price… ice cream or something. Little things but would sure make paying taxes more fun. (You can tell your foreign friends, “I’m entering the national lottery!!”)

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