Happy birthday, Dr. Seuss! Theodor Seuss Geisel, or Dr. Seuss as he is known to most of the world, was born on March 2, 1904. And though he passed away in 1991, his books and his poems are still as popular as ever.

I love the idea of combining silliness with reality and over the past few years, on Dr. Seuss’ birthday, I’ve mixed a little tax in with my Seuss.

You can see my previous efforts from 201220132014, 2016, 2017, and 2018.

This year, I’ve re-written the first half of “One Fish, Two Fish” to be “One Tax, Two Tax.” I hope you enjoy it!


One tax, two tax, me tax, you tax,
Sales tax, sin tax, old tax, new tax.
This one has a little rate.
This one has a new due date.
Say! What a lot of tax to hate.


Yes. Some are yours, and some are mine.
Some on beer and some on wine.


Some on food, and some on clothes,
And some on bags now, I suppose.
Why on food and bags and clothes?
I do not know, it’s how it goes.


Some are flat, and some are tiered.
The tiered ones are extra weird.


From there to here,
From here to there,
We tax all things everywhere.


There are some who like to pay.
They pay for fun and pay each day.
Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my!
How these tax filing deadlines will fly.


Some have two rates and some have four.
Some have six rates and some have more.


Where do they come from? I can't say.
But trust me you will have to pay.


We see them come, we see them go.
Some will ebb. Some will flow.
Some are high. Some are low.


Not all of them are very PC.
Don't ask me why, go ask in DC.


Say! Look at his schedules!
One, two, three...
How many schedules do I see?
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
He has eleven!
Eleven! This is something new.
Not postcard-sized or overdue!


Earn! Earn! Earn!
Did you get your tax return?
We got ours and have lots to learn.
But we know a man called Mr. Bern.
Mr. Bern does our annual return. So...
If you like to go Earn! Earn!
Just learn to yearn for a turn with Mr. Bern.


Who am I? I’m a tax pro.
I do not like what I don’t know.
This is no good. This is not right.
This tax law is not black and white.
And when I read the rules, Oh, dear!
I see why people so often fear.


We like our cash. It pays the bills.
But IRS give us all the chills.
We like our cash, and this is why:
Cash keeps us fed and that’s no lie.


Hello, tax pro. How do you do?
Tell me, tell me what is new?
How are things, how do they go?
What is new? Please tell, tax pro.
I do not like this form at all.
A lot of folks I have to call.
An IRS rep, PPS.
Oh! What a form! Oh! What a mess!


Oh dear, oh dear! I cannot hear.
Turn up the speaker, dear.
Will you please yell in my ear?
It’s quiet on the phone I fear.
Say look! Static was in your ear.
But it is out. So have no fear.
Again your ear can hear, my dear.


My laptop’s old, my phone is gold.
I have a pen I like to hold.
My light is off, my coffee’s cold.
My light is off, my coffee’s cold.
I have a pen I like to hold.
My laptop’s old, my hands are cold.
And now my story is all told.
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Author

Kelly Erb is a tax attorney, tax writer and podcaster.

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